Wednesday, 2 January 2013

When good patterns go bad: what to do when you crochet something ugly

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately...
Actually, I'm not sorry.  To quote Bob Cratchit, "I was making rather merry", and to blog did not even really enter my mind between the slabs of Tofurky, plentiful libations, and a one-sided, frostbitten game of road hockey.  Despite all that time off (without pay...) I found no time to blog.  I did however find much time for my favorite and most addictive hobby, crochet.

Cute penguin I made on NYE. <3 He reminds me of Gunter from Adventure Time.

But something is rotten in crochet-land-ia, my friends.  And it's not that I have given myself a repetitive strain injury (much, only like two days out of the whole vacation), but rather something far more evil and disturbing...

I have created something UGLY.

This is perhaps a worse crime than creating something that doesn't fit.  At least when it doesn't fit your indignation is righteous.  It's not your fault that it came out too big/small, it's the stupid pattern's fault for not being correct. (Because we ALL check our gauge every-time... herm herm...)  When it doesn't fit, you can chalk it up to a bad pattern, or the wrong hook size, rip it and start over.

But then there are the ugly ones.  This happens when finish a project and realize you have created something so un-pretty and foul that it really should not exist.  Do you rip it?  Do you pretend it's supposed to look that way?  Do you give it away to that friend who's not really right in the head, or to a small child who doesn't yet know ugly when they see it?  Do you make a tearful confession on your favorite crochet forum that yes, it was you who brought forth that heinous wretch of a project?

Or, do you just post it for the whole world to see?

Voila, my panda that looks like hell:

The case for euthanasia.

And I can hear you all saying "oh but vegbrarian, it's not so bad, he's actually quite cute, etc. etc. etc.".  No my friends, he is ugly, and I can prove it... this is what the panda is supposed to look like according to the pattern makers over at Lion Brand:

Uber cuteness, I have failed you.

So what's wrong with this picture?  #1, the eyes are WAY too low on my panda.  #2, how the hell did they get the bottom of their panda to not have corners sticking out the sides?  Panda is worked in the round and then sewn shut across, so I have no idea how they could have possibly accomplished this.  #3, Just look back and forth between them and shake your head and say how much I missed the ball on this one.

What should be ugly panda bear's destiny?  And don't say "do a blog giveaway with him" because that's just mean and I'm trying to gather readers, not scare them off and punish them with ugly toys.

Do I try again?  Take another shot at the panda?  Or cut my losses and stick to penguins?

The one consolation today, is that the panda will never be as ugly as THIS ELEPHANT:

Makes babies cry.

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